I decided a long time ago that I don’t want to have kids. I have zero maternal instinct, I’m awkward around children and I basically see my future with a house full of puppies, not babies.
For some people, this seems to be a very difficult concept to understand. ‘WHAT?!’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Never?!’ ‘Like, not even in the future?’
Yes, you heard me right. ‘I am never having kids.’
I don’t know what it is about this statement that shocks people so much. I don’t see why a woman choosing not to have children is such a bombshell. Even my friends who have heard me say it many times still seem flabbergasted by such a profound declaration. Look, just because I was born with a uterus and ovaries doesn’t mean my purpose in life is to bare children.
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. What the human body can do, how a woman’s body can grow another human being and bring a new life into the world is beyond amazing. And while I do have the anatomy to produce a little miracle or two of my own, I’m just not up for it. Firstly, I am not really willing to put my body though all that change and trauma and I definitely do not have the pain threshold to go through childbirth. But secondly, and most importantly, I just don’t see motherhood as part of my destiny.
I have other plans for my life. I want to travel the world. I want to focus on building a fulfilling career that brings me happiness and enables me to inspire others. I want to devote all my heart to loving my partner (and puppies.) I could list all the reasons why I do not want to have kids, but it doesn’t matter. Nor should it matter to anyone else. It is my body, my life and my choice.
Just as it is one woman’s choice to have a family, a whole lot of other women choose to live their life without them. And each and every one of us has the right to make this decision without being scrutinised. The same as you wouldn’t criticise a mother for the way they raise their children, you shouldn’t question a woman’s choice not to be a mother. It is equally offensive and disrespectful. And frankly, none of your business.
I didn’t always want to live a childless existence. Growing up, I thought I would have kids one day. You know, grow up, fall in love, get married and have babies. That’s what is meant to happen, right? Isn’t that is the formula to a happy life?
Not being one to conform to societies expectations, I made the decision for myself that I do not want to have kids. I am 26 now, I have grown, I have matured, I have a greater understanding of my self, my goals, my aspirations and what makes me happy. I had always left the question of having children semi open. I thought, one day I will find the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with and maybe he will want children. That was the only thing that could have swayed me. Now that I have found my person, and luckily he doesn’t want kids either, things seem to be going according to plan.
To be fair, the relationship, married, babies path is one many people will or have followed. Good on them. I have friends and family who have had children and are the happiest I have ever seen them. I see the beauty and the love in their little family units and it fills my heart with joy! But it still doesn’t change the fact that motherhood isn’t for me. I am perfectly happy to simply mother a golden retriever or three.
Love Elo xxx