Shocking Stuff: I am a Woman and I Don’t Want Kids!

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I decided a long time ago that I don’t want to have kids. I have zero maternal instinct, I’m awkward around children and I basically see my future with a house full of puppies, not babies.

For some people, this seems to be a very difficult concept to understand. ‘WHAT?!’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Never?!’ ‘Like, not even in the future?’

Yes, you heard me right. ‘I am never having kids.’

I don’t know what it is about this statement that shocks people so much. I don’t see why a woman choosing not to have children is such a bombshell. Even my friends who have heard me say it many times still seem flabbergasted by such a profound declaration. Look, just because I was born with a uterus and ovaries doesn’t mean my purpose in life is to bare children.

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. What the human body can do, how a woman’s body can grow another human being and bring a new life into the world is beyond amazing. And while I do have the anatomy to produce a little miracle or two of my own, I’m just not up for it. Firstly, I am not really willing to put my body though all that change and trauma and I definitely do not have the pain threshold to go through childbirth. But secondly, and most importantly, I just don’t see motherhood as part of my destiny.

I have other plans for my life. I want to travel the world. I want to focus on building a fulfilling career that brings me happiness and enables me to inspire others. I want to devote all my heart to loving my partner (and puppies.) I could list all the reasons why I do not want to have kids, but it doesn’t matter. Nor should it matter to anyone else. It is my body, my life and my choice.

Just as it is one woman’s choice to have a family, a whole lot of other women choose to live their life without them. And each and every one of us has the right to make this decision without being scrutinised. The same as you wouldn’t criticise a mother for the way they raise their children, you shouldn’t question a woman’s choice not to be a mother. It is equally offensive and disrespectful. And frankly, none of your business.

I didn’t always want to live a childless existence. Growing up, I thought I would have kids one day. You know, grow up, fall in love, get married and have babies. That’s what is meant to happen, right? Isn’t that is the formula to a happy life?

Not being one to conform to societies expectations, I made the decision for myself that I do not want to have kids. I am 26 now, I have grown, I have matured, I have a greater understanding of my self, my goals, my aspirations and what makes me happy. I had always left the question of having children semi open. I thought, one day I will find the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with and maybe he will want children. That was the only thing that could have swayed me. Now that I have found my person, and luckily he doesn’t want kids either, things seem to be going according to plan.

To be fair, the relationship, married, babies path is one many people will or have followed. Good on them. I have friends and family who have had children and are the happiest I have ever seen them. I see the beauty and the love in their little family units and it fills my heart with joy! But it still doesn’t change the fact that motherhood isn’t for me. I am perfectly happy to simply mother a golden retriever or three.

Love Elo xxx

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Do What Makes You Happy

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Sure, it sounds simple enough; do what makes you happy and be done with all the rest. Easy right? Well, not always.

As much as we like to believe we don’t care what others think, we actually kinda do. We tend to factor other people into our life and our plans much more than we realize – sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously.

Whether it is literally working around their schedules and altering our lives to fit in with them or it’s simply letting others’ opinions impact on the decisions we make, we can often let our choices be influenced by the people around us – a lot more than we are consciously aware.

I always thought that I didn’t care what people think about me. I was always under the impression that I was truly confident in myself, comfortable in my own skin and wasn’t at all affected by the opinions of those around me. I genuinely believed that the only opinion that mattered to me was my own. But then, and only recently, I came to realize that other people’s opinions affected me more than I cared to admit (or even knew).

The particular moment in which I came to this conclusion was when I was mulling over my study options for the remainder of this year (which I spoke about previously here). I needed to decide whether to continue studying at the expense of my mental health and financial stability or to take a step back temporarily so I could focus on my health and wellbeing.

Of course the logical answer to put an end to all my woes was to give up studying for a while. It made sense that I take a break to look after myself, yet I somehow couldn’t bare to commit to that decision. I didn’t really know why that was either, until Jess asked me “What’s your reason for not giving up study for a while?”. My response: “I’m worried people will think I have given up.”

Talk about lightbulb moment! Even I didn’t realize that I felt that way. I was actually more concerned that people around me would think I was giving up or they would judge me for not following through, than I was concerned for my own self. How silly! Up until having that conversation with Jess, I was completely unaware that I was letting other people’s opinions impact on me so much, or at all.

And so the very moment I realized this, was also the moment I made my decision. I made that decision based solely on what was best for me – my happiness and my health. As soon as I stopped factoring in other peoples opinions or what I expected their perceptions to be, I knew what I needed to do. And of course, my happiness has flourished and my stress levels have dropped ever since.

Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t enlist the help and advice of others when it comes to making decisions (especially some of those tougher life-altering ones). Sometimes another person’s viewpoint is exactly what we need in order to get a little perspective on the situation at hand. But what I do mean to say is, do not let your happiness be ruled by others. Do not let fear of acceptance from those around you impact on the choices you make. Just do what makes YOU happy! Because ultimately that’s what matters most – your own happiness.

Other people’s opinions should never affect the decisions you make. It’s your life. Not theirs. Do what makes you happy.

I mean, how ridiculous to let other people dictate so much of what we do. Our own happiness should always come first. People will talk and have their opinions regardless. People gossip and speculate and we have no control over that. The only thing we do have control over is ourselves and our own actions.

Self approval is far more important than the approval of others. If you are doing what you love it really doesn’t matter what other people think anyway. If what you are doing makes you happy, nobody’s opinion should count. Look after yourself and your own happiness.

Do what makes you happy.

And remember…

“It is not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself and to make your happiness a priority. It is neccessary”.

Love Elo xx