Shocking Stuff: I am a Woman and I Don’t Want Kids!

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I decided a long time ago that I don’t want to have kids. I have zero maternal instinct, I’m awkward around children and I basically see my future with a house full of puppies, not babies.

For some people, this seems to be a very difficult concept to understand. ‘WHAT?!’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Never?!’ ‘Like, not even in the future?’

Yes, you heard me right. ‘I am never having kids.’

I don’t know what it is about this statement that shocks people so much. I don’t see why a woman choosing not to have children is such a bombshell. Even my friends who have heard me say it many times still seem flabbergasted by such a profound declaration. Look, just because I was born with a uterus and ovaries doesn’t mean my purpose in life is to bare children.

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. What the human body can do, how a woman’s body can grow another human being and bring a new life into the world is beyond amazing. And while I do have the anatomy to produce a little miracle or two of my own, I’m just not up for it. Firstly, I am not really willing to put my body though all that change and trauma and I definitely do not have the pain threshold to go through childbirth. But secondly, and most importantly, I just don’t see motherhood as part of my destiny.

I have other plans for my life. I want to travel the world. I want to focus on building a fulfilling career that brings me happiness and enables me to inspire others. I want to devote all my heart to loving my partner (and puppies.) I could list all the reasons why I do not want to have kids, but it doesn’t matter. Nor should it matter to anyone else. It is my body, my life and my choice.

Just as it is one woman’s choice to have a family, a whole lot of other women choose to live their life without them. And each and every one of us has the right to make this decision without being scrutinised. The same as you wouldn’t criticise a mother for the way they raise their children, you shouldn’t question a woman’s choice not to be a mother. It is equally offensive and disrespectful. And frankly, none of your business.

I didn’t always want to live a childless existence. Growing up, I thought I would have kids one day. You know, grow up, fall in love, get married and have babies. That’s what is meant to happen, right? Isn’t that is the formula to a happy life?

Not being one to conform to societies expectations, I made the decision for myself that I do not want to have kids. I am 26 now, I have grown, I have matured, I have a greater understanding of my self, my goals, my aspirations and what makes me happy. I had always left the question of having children semi open. I thought, one day I will find the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with and maybe he will want children. That was the only thing that could have swayed me. Now that I have found my person, and luckily he doesn’t want kids either, things seem to be going according to plan.

To be fair, the relationship, married, babies path is one many people will or have followed. Good on them. I have friends and family who have had children and are the happiest I have ever seen them. I see the beauty and the love in their little family units and it fills my heart with joy! But it still doesn’t change the fact that motherhood isn’t for me. I am perfectly happy to simply mother a golden retriever or three.

Love Elo xxx

You know you’re getting old when.

Look, it’s no secret that I am a bit of an old biddie. I don’t like going out and I hate dressing up. I’d choose a night in over a night out, brunch over dinner and bed over bars any day. It’s just how I roll.

I might still be lingering around the mid 20’s mark but sometimes I act more like I’m in my mind 40’s. I’m totally ok with my hermit, fuddy-duddy lifestyle, but lately I’ve realised that SHIT, I really am getting old! And I know I’m not the only one to have this revelation. Here are a few thoughts all of us mid-20-year-olds have had on more than one occasion.

You know you are getting old when…

1. You’ve gone from drinking Vodka lime and sodas to red wine by the bottle. And you enjoy it.

2. The first thing you do when you arrive at a party is survey the room for all exits so you can safely ‘phantom’ outta there later.

3. Everything hurts. All the time. And not because you worked out yesterday. It’s just your body slowly giving up.

4. Netflix and chill literally means, Netflix and chill.

5. A good weekend is judged by how productive it is and how many things get crossed off the to-do list. Not by how much socialising you do.

6. On the rare occasion you do head out, you feel like the most overdressed and under manicured person there. Short skirts, cleavage and full faces of make-up everywhere!

7. New homewares brings you more excitement than new clothes.

8. The bulk of your wardrobe is made up of jeans, trackies and activewear. If someone asks you to come out on a whim you’ll likely rock up in your Lorna Jane.

9.  Someone suggests going out mid-week and your first thought is, ‘Go out on a school night? Is this a joke?!’

10. If it hits 9pm and you’re not already in bed with your face washed, teeth brushed and pj’s on, you genuinely start to rethink how things ended up this way.

11. FOMO? More like JOMO (joy of missing out).

12. There are more foam rollers and trigger point balls in your house than there are people living there. They’ve even developed a permanent little posse.

13. You don’t even no what it’s like to be awake after midnight anymore. And the only time you see the sunrise is when you wake up for it.

14. You barely do anything all day but you still need a afternoon nap.

15. Those wrinkles under your eyes and around your mouth aren’t just laugh lines anymore. Those bastards stick around even when you a resting bitch face. Not cute.

16. You wake up early on your days off and not by choice.

17. Your ideal Saturday night consists of comfy clothes, a movie and bed.

18. You stop celebrating your birthday and let it go under the radar each year.

And that right there, is 18 signs you know you are getting old. Can I get a raise of hands of those who can relate?

Love Elo xx

I’m an Introvert Trapped in an Extroverted Personality

You know those people who love to fill every minute of their down time with plans? Those who live for the weekends, to go out and be social? Dinner with the girls Friday night, drinks and dancing Saturday night and beach all day with the crew Sunday? You know, the people who see the weekend as an opportunity to be as social as possible.

Well, I am not one of those people.

The other day I was speaking to a work colleague when I mentioned to her that I am an introvert.

“No you’re not!” She exclaimed in shock – half expecting me to say I was joking. “You are far too sociable and outgoing to be an introvert. You are definitely an extrovert,” she protested.

Firstly, you don’t know me! Secondly, thank you for the lovely compliments. But thirdly, you’re wrong! I am an introvert.

I totally understand why she would say that though. I am bubbly and animated. I am friendly, happy and I pretty much always smiling or laughing. I generally have a lot of energy and have on many occasions been likened to an excitable puppy. (Think golden retriever pup discovering it’s tail for the first time). I can also be pretty chatty. Very chatty in fact. To anyone from the outside looking in, I am a lively little extrovert.

I may not appear to fit the stereotypical mould of what is perceived as a classic ‘introvert’, but truthfully I am.

You see, people have a bit of a confused perception of what it really means to be an introvert. Introverts are shy. Introverts don’t like people. Introverts always want to be alone. These are just some of the myths people believe about introverts. However, what really makes a person an introvert or extrovert is how they obtain their energy. Generally, extroverts thrive in social situations. They are energised by being around people. This is the opposite of introverts, who are energised by being alone.

And that’s exactly why I fit into the latter category.

When the weekend comes, I am the person who gets excited to hermit for two days straight. To roll myself up in a blanket burrito and watch a movie. Not much makes me happier than doing a whole lot of nothing with me,myself and I. (Other than doing a whole lot of nothing with my man). That’s my idea of bliss. Mention a night out of drinking or a party of more than 10 people and I am basically spun into a spiral of social anxiety. Those are the sort of things that exhaust me. Drain me. Not necessarily physically, but mentally.

Extroverts love being surrounded by people. They are generally the life of the party and don’t mind being the centre of attention. They feel energised by group interactions and get bored easily on their own. Introverts… not so much. Introverts think a lot and require their alone time to recharge and process life’s happenings. It’s not that we are anti-social or shy or even loners. It’s just that is how we roll.

In large social situations like parties, events or anything that involves a room full of strangers, introverts can become overwhelmed, anxious and uncomfortable. I for one, recluse in these scenarios and feel as if I cannot be my true self. What introverts need is a reason to interact. We don’t interact just for the sake of it. We think for ourselves and just want everyone to be real and honest. Making small talk doesn’t come naturally. We won’t say anything unless we have something to say. But get us chatting about something we are interested in or passionate about and we won’t shut up! It’s all about one-on-one quality time with close friends and like-minded individuals.

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Truth is, most people aren’t 100% extroverted or 100% introverted. You can be an extrovert who has introverted qualities or an introvert that has extroverted qualities. It basically comes down to how you recharge your energy? Do you need to be around others or do you require solo time to renergise? Do you feel bored when you are on your own or do you live for those moments?

If you are interested in finding out more about introversion and extroversion I suggest reading the book Quiet by Susan Cain. You can even do this personality test to see where you sit on the scale. (This test is what confirmed to me, exactly what I suspected all this time… I am an extroverted-introvert)

Love Elo xx

 

Photograph by @jypsea_