Imagine if people looked like their personalities. Would they still be beautiful?
Sadly, there are a lot of nasty people in this world. It’s an unfortunate reality and one that has come to the forefront of my attention more and more recently. Mean people. Mean people everywhere. It’s the keyboard warriors, the rude customers, the judgemental strangers, the frenemies. It’s those people who make unnecessary hurtful comments directed at others. Those who shoot off judgemental glares, make snide remarks and whisper shallow statements. It’s the people who think using social media as a platform for bullying is ok. It’s even the rude patrons that treat service staff with no politeness or respect as if they aren’t humans (with feelings) too!
Both I personally, as well as family and friends have encountered these not so nice people a lot recently. The stories I hear, the words I read and the actions I witness of blatant unkindness and unnecessary malice always leaves me in a state of dumbfounded shock! I don’t get it. I don’t understand why and HOW some people can be so horrible! Like, really horrible. And for what reason?
Do they genuinely not realise that their words can be harmful to others? Do they not think before they let words exit their mouths or hit the ‘send’ button? Do they get a kick out of bringing people down? An ego boost from belittling others? Perhaps they are just completely oblivious, ignorant and unaware of how their actions can affect people? Clearly their parent’s forgot to teach them to ‘treat others the way you wish to be treated’.
It can be really difficult, sometimes impossible, to understand the motives of the meanies of this world. I honestly cannot rack my brain around it. Why do some people go out of their way to say or do hurtful things? Seriously, whyyyyyy?! There is absolutely no point in going around in circles trying to figure it out though because you cannot control the actions of others, all you have control over is how you respond to them.
So what is the best way to deal with these not so nice humans? Well, there are two lessons that can be learnt here.
Number 1: “What Susie says about Sally says more about Susie than it does of Sally”.
In other words, an individual’s behaviour towards you is more a reflection of them then it is of you. A friend of mine shared a quote the other day that said “should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; remember, things could be worse. You could be them”. Think about it. Who is the real victim? You or them? How others treat you is usually a direct reflection of insecurities within themselves. Insecurities that they are having to deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes the only way for them to feel better about themselves is to belittle others. They feel the need to build themselves up by bringing other people down. So, even if someone insults you directly, don’t take it personally. What other’s say and do is only a projection of their own reality.
Number 2: You cannot control how others treat you, you can only control how you react.
Sometimes we have to be reminded that we cannot control how people treat us, we can only control how we react to them. S**t happens every day that is out of our hands. We have to learn how to respond to these things and move on. It is just the same when you become victim to one of those ugly humans projecting negativity and nastiness onto you. Don’t allow yourself to focus any energy on these situations. The more you think about it and the more you dwell on it, the more feelings of hurt, anger and upset will manifest and consume you.
Firstly, the bully wants a reaction. For them, they get satisfaction in knowing they have affected you. So what do you think will happen when they don’t get the retaliation they are after? Stop of course. More importantly though, having the ability to take charge of your emotional response is hugely elevating to your own peace of mind. In the words of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, “when you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering”. Sure it is not always easy to ignore the rage that builds up or fight back the tears, but giving energy to those emotions will only make you feel worse. In these times try whispering to yourself ‘I cannot control how people treat me, I can only control how I react’. It works for me.
If the words you spoke appeared on your skin, would YOU still be beautiful? Before you speak, ask yourself… Is it true? Is it kind? Is it helpful? Is it necessary?
Be a nice human.
Love Eloise xx